Douglas, I guess you will read my blog again as you always do. You told me that you worry that you will leave bad memories to my life. I guess you leave both good and bad one. It's really a gift from God for me to know you from thousands of people in Axcest, I added you in MSN after you send points to me. If not because I added you in MSN, maybe I wouldn't get to know you better. Maybe I wouldn't fall in love with you too.
You gave me some short but great memories of being love by someone again, although not totally as I'm sharing it with Keith. I don't know, even you didn't say it to me, I can guess that no one right now, not even me can replace Keith in your heart. It's true that Keith is more kind to you as you mentioned to me, he did say if you wanna have sex with someone else, just don't let him know about it. For me, the previous me, I really mind it. Now if you ask me, I have no idea.
The bad experience I gain from us being together since my convocation are mostly my own thinking or habits. I admit I'm kinda easily get jealous, but then I don't scold you for it. It's my bad to love you at the first place even knowing that you have boyfriend. You might find me obsessive, which sucks to be mention, compare to Keith, which now are more cool with it. I'm clingy type of person, which maybe the cause of why till now, I haven't get a boyfriend for myself.
I'm sorry to bring such complication to you life too. It hurts me when I heard that you told me that you found it tough to be with both of us. I understand it, but it still hurts. Because I know at the end, if things gets tougher, I might be the outcast one. Even though you love me that time, I know you wouldn't leave Keith. At times, I really scare that the day you leave me will come too soon and at times I worry it come too late. Too soon, I'll lose you really soon, if too late, then I worry I can't let you go. Really confusing.
It might seems like I mentioned you kinda a lot. Maybe you really have too much space in my heart. I do really envy Keith. He knows you earlier than me, he owes most of your heart. Actually I have no idea why you will like me this stupid guy, silly me, and weak in almost every sense. I really dare not to shed tears in front of you as I worry I lose you. However I do wanna shed some to release the feeling of confusion I'm having. I love you so much but I worry that I love you too much.
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