I don't wanna care anymore whether am I being a bad person or not for this moment. Based on morale, it really seems I'm such a bitch to be loving a person that I shouldn't even lay my hands on. In term of feeling, I don't think I'm that bad as I'm not doing really bad things (at least I didn't stand in front of Keith and tell him that I'm having something with Douglas or purposely seduce him). I just expressing my feeling only. I might sounds like I'm being irrational this time but till now, I'm not regretting what I have done so far.
If I am given a chance, I would like to say sorry to Keith and Douglas. Keith because I'm doing something behind his back with his boyfriend. Douglas as I have no idea how did I attracted him and we both ended up having underground kind of relationship. Sorry to take you as my dear and having such a miserable journey with me.
Anyway, today my dear is flying to Kuwait for his business trip. I'll not able to see him for another 1 week. At least I managed to have a breakfast with him before his flight. I'm so glad that he spend his time for me. I really missing him right now. I know he is in his plane now, preparing to departure anytime from now. I just miss all his hugs and kisses. We did kissed at Ace Hardware and hold hands for a moment. I never so daring to do those things in public. Not even at places that kinda less people like at that time, morning so kinda less people around. Not to mention those loitering in a hardware store. But the hugs and kisses was never enough for me just for this morning.
Although he spend an hour and half with me, I really hope that I can find a place that more hideous so that I can hug him with all my heart, letting him know how much I'll be missing him when he is not around with me. Before he walks away from my sight (after he walks me to my car), he hugs me, and I know with people around us, it makes us felt not so comfortable but it was so warm and I almost wanna cry out. I just know that I'll be missing him.
For now, I'll just have to wait for him to come back. My pillow will be accompany me through the nights. I'm just hoping that he arrives safely to his destination, stay healthy and cute as always, and everything goes smoothly for him. As long as he is safe and sound, it will put a smile on my face.
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