Anyway, thinking back most of time being with him, his playful hand which touches some of my sensitive region (well, I do have lots of sensitive region), I do at times have those horny thought. I always try my best to subside those feeling. For me, masturbation is different from actual sex. Masturbation does not necessary kill those horny feeling of wanting sexual activities if I'm arouse for it. Well, that is not the important thing I wanted to express today.
I did ask him today a stupid question which it does run wild for some time. It's not too long ago actually, just like a day or two. LOL. I did thought of why will he chooses to be with me instead of the other guys that he met or know. I mean despite of his boyfriend, I am the exceptional guy that he shows his love to and cares about. But why me?
In comparison with others like Terence (I mean another person which is not me), Liko, Louis, etc. Well, Terence is much more capable. He is manager for some retail shop and he has some fashion sense. At least I think that he has the confident that I don't. The only bad about him is that he has very few free time available.
Louis is not too bad too. He is smart I guess. At least he possessed a great talent in piano and manage to use it to earn a living. Probably that he can't speak fluent English and I personally don't think he is that good looking are the down point of him. But for me, my English ain't much better a lot that anyone and I ain't that good looking either.
Liko instead, he is young, good looking for a bottom I think and he has some fashion sense too. Not to mention that he is smart too. I think he is not a bad choice to pick up as a lover compare to me. Down point of him is that he is living quite far but I don't think that is the main problem as I do live quite far too (although not as far as Liko). Anyway, he always come to KL as usual but KTM, which I don't think is a majot problem if he wanted to consider him.
This is the only three I can think of. Well, I do not jealous of any of them as I do seriously feel that they are just a friend with him. It's impossible for him to take care of all of us as in he wanted to date all of us in one shot. I think that will kill him. Anyway, I trusted him. Sounds pretty old fashion. LOL.
After considering so much, I do feel lack of confident in securing him. I mean I don't own him, he already has a boyfriend, but as I lover I should call it maybe. Even to be his lover, I doubt I can secure him, I mean I'm emotional, I'm not gorgeous looking (although he always say that I'm cute), I'm pretty useless (and he will say that he will be there to guide me and help me), etc.
I felt that I'm so lucky to have him in my life. Although I can't be his boyfriend, but then all the care I get from him is really poison me deep down in my heart. I just love him as he is. I love him as he is. I don't care whether he is rich or not, he is gaining or losing weight, he is sick or healthy, but all I care is that he loves me or not, because I love him no matter what.
I think my mind is running too wild. He might not happy with it. Might say that I have too much free time to think of unnecessary stuff. I just can't control myself from thinking and having such active brain. I just hope that we will be supporting each other forever. He is a very important person in my life already. I love you, Doug. Good night.
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