I don't know why am I upset right now. Yeah, maybe I am really jealous. Perhaps Keith jealous that he spent quite some time with me. I thought tomorrow will be the last day I will see him but not, today is the day and really short. Less than 2 hours.
Although I did not expect anything, just some time he can spent with me and I know it's kinda disappointing when he can't make it. He have personal training to attend to and later (which I know later) to be spending some time with his boyfriend.
Anyway, today is really kinda mix feeling. Having such a hard day. Early morning I went to Fitness First, IOI Mall with Chee Yuen (old secondary straight friend) for gym. After that, catch up with my cousin for the ridiculous horror movie (Final Destination 4). Then I went straight to The Curve, which all my mind was set to meet him and have some good time with him before he will be leaving tomorrow. Anyway, all this is gone.
I really happy to see him. Maybe if I can have some time with him then everything is alright. Now, my mood swings. This morning, I have eaten some noodles (which share with my mother as I'm in rush so I just ate a little), then noon I just have 3 pieces of nugget and a tall size java chip. So today, I guess I burn a lot of calories and consume the very less. I did not feel taking dinner as no appetite. Anyway, it's normal for me. Just some emotion swings causing me lose my appetite, nothing serious.
Anyway, I did plan to eat my dinner although don't feel like eating. However, after I shop for swim suit, I realise I have no more money. LOL. I left RM3 only. So I decided not to eat instead. I only have RM200 to use (for transportation, food, parking, etc.) till I got my pay slip (T.T). So, my dinner tonight is just some Hersey's Kisses he brought for me last 2 weeks, which left like quarter. I ate too much past few days.
I somehow already felt something might go wrong as these few days chatting with Keith, he seems protective over Douglas. I do not know whether he found out something or he purely jealous or he just wanna make sure I do not lay a finger on his boyfriend. Being a third party really not an easy thing. I gotta take care all my feelings (either high or low) all by myself at times. I really hope to cry out loud to release the bad feeling.
This is why I say I feel like I'm gonna lose everything kinda feeling. I got a job, but I have no money, no boyfriend, lover not around me, and no time spent with him (understood he is trying too spare some for me). I did feel he is suffering for us. I do just hope he is happy then okay. I don't wanna matter anything anymore. I don't want him to feel suffer for me. I know I felt hurt inside but it's more hurting to see someone I love hurt himself for me too.
Doug, I love you and I do hope you always happy. Don't worry about me getting upset. Seeing you happy, satisfied me already. Maybe till a day there is someone able to capture my heart, it will distract the pain I'm having for you. Meanwhile, I will bare anything. Just be yourself, and stay healthy and charming.
It's better after typing such a long story. I guess nobody interested in reading such a "long gas" crap.
No comments:
Post a Comment