Confused with Myself..

I have no idea what am I feeling right now. A bit confusing kind of feeling so I decided to write it down here. Today, I just went to pay up my road tax, which cost me RM70 with additional of RM2 for the stamp duty I guess. Then I get my car wash because it is super dirty.

The whole morning felt a bit bored, although I did help out my mother taking care the babies before I went out to do those things I mentioned earlier. Then after I get back home, I cleaned my room. But the weather today kinda cloudy, rain for 10 minutes then remain cloudy most of the time. I guess this kinda weather makes my mood similar to it. LOL.

Cleaning up my room already taken me almost 3 hours. However the feeling of your own room getting cleaner is pretty good. After my dinner, my brother bothering me to burn him a CD. I think that is pretty my whole day already.

After all the things I that I have done and sit down here in front of my laptop while listening to music and enjoying the chocolate Douglas get it for me, I realise some absolute loneliness. Although my mother downstairs, but she is busy watching TV. My sister at her room doing her homework and online. My brother is no where to be seen at home. I feel pretty stuck in my room doing nothing much.

I bite on the chocolate and my mind wondering someone else. I think the "Peace of Mind" pretty good, it does make me relax but at the same time makes me thinking someone. Maybe it's just that I'm lonely at my own room.

At times I come to thinking, do I really have a lot of friends? I do not think so. I prefer quality friend than quantity. In my MSN list, there is over 300 people (including my cousins, primary school mates, secondary school mates, university course mates and PLU friends), but then almost none that I can chat with. Less than 20% people online and out of that 20%, only like 4% is available but then nothing much can chat with them.

All also seems busy. They also have their life to go on. Maybe I'm kinda introvert person too. I do not hang out much with large group (maybe because I felt that will cause me to overspent) and I do not like going out alone. So ended up alone at my own room.

So I guess I'm a person that really need someone to be there for me, to love me and to spent time with. Or else, I'm pretty lonely most of the time. I'm lucky that I have not develop self isolation yet.

Anyway, Douglas kind of the best thing happen to me, and I glad that I met this great man in my life. At least he makes my life more lively. Most weekends if without his companionship, I guess I'll be even more lonely at home. Maybe I'm just missing him right now. Better think of nothing now and rest early today. ^^