Yesterday evening, out of my expectation, he did chatted with me on MSN. I was really happy actually at that time. However, after a few conversation, he told me something. Well, it does reminds me on what we agreed earlier on, which is slowly let go of this relationship.
He told me that we should not have any intimacy going on next time (maybe except for the kisses and hugging) cause he felt guilty every time we did it. I do not feel good either but then it's not easy to resist when you with someone you really love. So self control or abstinence is part of my routine with him right now.
It's not going to be easy for me. We as human have needs I guess. Of course, I would like to do with only the man I like or love and not just anybody or else I can just hired a whore to do it. That's not the point I'm talking about. LOL. At least he still have Keith, he can still have it with him (even can imagine having it with me while doing it with him - just my silly thought). For me, how?
I mean of course I enjoy having sex with him that makes me wanting to do it with him right? Not to mention that I love him. So this sex avoiding stuff may be a part of letting go this relationship. Well, I have the feeling it will come anyway, but I have no idea it hurts too. I thought it will at least hurt the very less which almost feel nothing.
I come across someones journal, and I think a phrase he mentioned there is really true. If you have less expectation then you would not feel so bad when you did not get it what you expect. What if you do not expect anything, any small thing will be a blessing or gift. I already try my best to put as minimal expectation I can. I should be focusing back on what I really want, which is he will be always happy.
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