I Had The Worst Period Ever

I felt like bad luck is chasing me somehow. Yesterday I'm down, I thought today wake up, go for swimming at Bukit Jalil will freshen me up. It really did and makes me throw forget all the unhappy moment of last night. However, nightmare have not yet gone for me.

Just now, I received a call from AIA Shared Services again. They told me that the clinic called them again and told them they can't confirm my test until my final culture test to be develop (which will be in the first week of October). So they had to delay my intake to the company. Gosh, I really felt like a big stone fall upon me. Hardly breath anymore, really sad and I want to cry so much. What on Earth is happening to me?

Now, I have another one month on vacation to wait for it or what? I'm planning to get a part time job. I'm totally broke as I mentioned on my previous blog. I thought start working this month, then I'll have my salary on the following month, so I can cover all my expenditure, etc. But now instead of having income, I have nothing.

Now, I'm really out of my mind how am I going to survive already. How am I going to pay my Fitness First fee next month? How am I going to pay my insurance premium? Do I have the money to spent for petrol, parking, food, basic needs, etc.? I use up all my saving already but then still so doom. I felt like dying already.

Today, I really can feel best what is the feeling of lose everything. NO career, NO money, NO boyfriend to console me now, NO lover to be by my side, and NO idea how am I going to survive. I think from this week onwards, I'll cut down my expenses on food during the weekends (as my mother didn't cook). So only bread for breakfast, no lunch and just a few bucks to spent for dinner. Not much travelling, just only go Fitness First 3 times a week to cut down petrol consumption.

I guess this way I can survive a bit as my mother still cook dinner from Monday to Friday, breakfast just bread, no lunch and all this I treat it as diet program. No more junk food, except my balance Hersey's Kisses chocolate. No more movie in the cinema, no more extra entertainment which require me to pay for. So I guess you all can see me stuck at home most of the time again. Maybe worst than last month.

I'm crying tearlessly now, with nobody seeing it. Hide inside my room all alone. Kinda wanna isolate myself. I wonder will I suffer from self-isolation soon after all this worst time I am stuck with. Career = failure and wait forever; Love = third party and he will not be mine; Money = broke like hell; Health = Not even sure as culture test is not develop yet (although I seriously think I'm OK). So what I post on Facebook for that four categories, that quiz sucks. None of it seems good. (T.T)