My emotional issue have just rule out. Seeing him today does a little bit of trick to calm me down. I have no idea why I am still so in love with him. Am I being crazy or am I really that bad, wanting to cause him so much misery? I have no idea.
However, I do really miss him. I do really love him and I know he does that too to me. Maybe not as much as to compare to someone I know that no one can actually replace his place in his heart, but I still feel that he cares about me more than most guys does other than my best friends.
I am missing him so much. Most of all is his hugs and kisses. I actually really feel like hugging him tightly, or even the best will be resting my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat while he fall asleep. I did that once before and I really love it. I miss that sensation, that feeling, that moment.
To be able to spend a night with him is really not easy. He can't be overnight at anyone place as he likes. If I really wanted to spent a night at his place, it will be merely chances when no one is actually at home as his place. But to think of it, the chances for me to have that chances is approximately zero. If that chance turns out, it will be his boyfriend to get that privilege and not me.
I can see that his boyfriend does give him some hard time. However, I know that he will not mind about it and show him uncountable amount of love and toleration. I do envy him having such a boyfriend where me myself is not that lucky one. I guess when he is not around in Malaysia, I will be like someone in the dessert, cause the only guy that I do feel care most about me is not around anymore. I am pretty scare actually.
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