All Those Fairy Tales Are Full of Shit

I like that song "Payphone" from Maroon 5. There is some part I feel it's pretty true to my life at this point in time. Does true love like the fairy tales exist? I believe it's full of shit like the song.

The part where that really triggers all my emotions is this:
"If happy ever afters did exist, I would still be holding you like this. All those fairy tales Israel full of it, one more stupid love song, I'll be sick"

There is so many love song, especially from Taylor Swift, that give you all the fairy tales, happy ever afters love story that you put all you hopes in it. But it's really never that sweet and silky ride of it.

Finally, after so much of turbulence of hoping crushed under my skin, my heart already too tender to be even put any hope in my relationship. It's really scary to have no hope on something, but that's all I can have. It's not a relationship that will be blessed by anyone.

I understand my boyfriend's stand point. He wanted to be worthy to His Kingdom. That's why he doesn't want to commit. So actually there is also point loving me since it's not worthy according to his interpretation on bible. He is still loving me because of he just simply love me.

We believe that our God loves us because we have hopes, and then it turns to faith, and eventually come the blessing. Without hopes, we will not survive and trusting God when bad things happened.

Thus, I can conclude that there is no future ahead of us. It's like running a company because of your interest but you have no goals. The company won't survive for long. So a relationship that have no goals to built a family together, will eventually fall apart.

I'll have to prepare that this day will come. To begin with, I'll no longer have hopes in a relationship because their higher the hopes, the worst you fall. I finally understand why gay relationship can't work well. Because it just take one party that not willing to commit to ruin everything.

Gay life sucks. I'm started to hate myself to be a gay person. I can't even turn straight. Why don't God take me back to His side? It solve everything. I don't need a lover in Heaven, I need not to suffer about being a gay or not, I don't need to give a freaking care about meeting everyone's standard.

I won't want to think about having or even starting a family with my boyfriend already. It's hopeless. This relationship able to go through or fails, it's God plan. Seeing all the factors around, it's indicating we won't last. Fuck it all I care.