He asked me whether how's my plan to leave his company. I told him back, "Do you think I've a choice?". It's really I don't have a choice if I'm not part of his plan in life. I know he leave all this to God and I'm too. Just I need to have the goals ahead of me and I'll leave the rest to the Lord.
I've no choice but to leave. Of me leaving, it will be the best decision at this moment not for me, but for him. He will have less pressure from his parents that he is having too much time for me. He will have less trouble to deal with his father's suspicion.
I'm working in his company for one and the half year and I feel like our relationship is kinda like boss and staff relationship sometimes even after work. We don't have the privilege to go vacation together. I've never go anywhere with him further than klang valley for personal trip.
If calculate business trip, we went to Penang, Chicago, and Las Vegas. I don't feel that a couple going for business trip consider personal one. For example, he can't imagine that his dad bring his mum to Canada for business trip on wedding anniversary and consider it as celebrated it personally.
I have an intuition that if my boyfriend read this, he might say that he is not good enough for me. His frustration also will lead him saying that why don't you go and look for another guy. But do you think that's what I want?
I keep on praying to the Lord for guidance and even give me the revelation to this matter and I'm still stuck here. The bible mentioned that our God set us free, even pastor say so. He added if Jesus set you free, then don't let other things chain you up.
But why am I not feeling that I've have been set free? The worries of the future that upholds for me, the eyes and finger pointing of the society, the security in relationship that I longing for, etc. I know He didn't abandon me. So where goes wrong?
No comments:
Post a Comment