Today at work, I'm super loaded with work. I really have very little of his time. He isn't free for lunch with me nor have the time to really talk with me. Neither do I have the privilege of time to spare for him as I'm so occupied with work.
I'm at the state that I would not care less if I miss out some of the things that I need to do until people rush me about it. I can't cope with which is more and which is less important to handle at a time. Probably I'm not that capable to uphold the position that I'm right now in the company.
I can see that he has high hope and great expecting for the coming new colleague that will be assigned to be our business development executive. Although he mentioned that he is not any higher position than me, but somehow that new guy is consider a treat to me. He is highly appreciated by my boyfriend, even simple stuff also he do it for him.
I never seen him purposely email, fill up forms, interview out of office, etc. for any candidate. This new guy is really different. I know he needs someone of his talent or I would say the field. You can say that I am jealous of him having all this attention from a superior, if he is not even a close friend of his. Whereas, the staff I need to hired wasn't really in the main picture.
He is definitely busy and have little time to spare for me. I wanted to talk more about we, but seriously, I can't. We don't have good foundation on communication. I can't communicate with him at times because it's either he don't have the time to spare or he didn't seems to listen. Even if he does, he doesn't show it's in his mind. I don't mean he don't care at all, just doesn't show like he does.
Like the issue of getting a new car, we haven't really sit down and discuss in details whether I can afford it or not. With my salary, if I need to purchase a new car, how to pay the deposit and the installment every month? That haven't calculate the maintenance of the car, which is a cost after all.
I felt very demotivated and lack of confident to talk to him about myself, things that happening around me because I don't know anything about him until the very last minute. Things like his DAP stop by, he in enrolling in to study in seminary, his lectures in KL down town, etc. I have no idea till it happened. Why am I always the last to know things that happening around him?
Maybe I should implies the don't ask don't tell policy. Since we both doesn't communicate much about it to the very last minute. I'm already getting the feeling of communicate about our life is more on a one sided thing as he didn't share much of his. I hope we can resolve this but I'll let the Lord to assist. I'm speechless already.
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