The Last Post Regarding Him

I think this will be the last post I can write about him. Next time, I'll not write much about him. Things that come to an end means come to an end. Nothing I can do or say to change anything anymore. I don't have that power to do so. Well, this ending I should be expecting already. Just that I didn't predict that it's going to be hurting me that badly.

Probably this time, I might not be going to love someone anymore at this moment or even next time. There won't be anyone going to like or even love a geek like me. I'm tired of everything that I will be facing again if things not going to work out.

Before he told me all those stuff tonight, I think it over before. I already predicted with tarot that it's the end of what I've started. I already prepared myself for the worst scenario just that I was hoping it's not this soon. I will not putting hopes anymore as high hopes mean greater pain.

With all the preparation I had, I still unable to hold my tears well. Even though I cried before just by thinking the worst scenario that just happened, it does not help much. I know that soon he will be reading this blog, but it's no longer the same and it will never be the same again.

Even steps I take is heavy, every breath I take is painful, everytime I think of him is hurtful. Hearing him saying that he is still there for me is the most painful words I can take. What is the point of he is there but not there? It reminds me of Andy. The very first guy I mentioned before in this blog. He too, told me the same thing before.

Look at what and where is he now? He ain't here for me whenever I need him. Yes, maybe Doug is different. But ain't it the same when they say they are still there for me but physical they are not and they will not anymore there for me to shed my tear at their shoulder, to be there to cherish me when I needed someone.

I have enought of such lousy life I going through in PLU life. Lord, if you needed me to serve you right now, please do summon me back to you. All I ask for is that do bless my family, especially my mother to have the strength to live on and my sister having a great life ahead. I'm tired of everything I'm encountering now. This is the end of me.