Missing You Badly

I've been missing Andy Lau so badly. Not that artist, Andy Lau from Hong Kong but a guy that I knew from Axcest.com. He is from Kluang, Johor, Malaysia. The same country as I am now but he is not at London, pursuing his advance diploma in hotel management. Actually I don't know whether we will work out or not. But I just have some feeling that I wanna wait for him to finish his study and back to Malaysia for me. Although this dream may be frail as he might get a job there and plan to migrate there after that, but for me, I still hope my dream comes true.

Last week, I did went to Kluang to meet him up before he went to UK with his parents. We did a lot of amazing things that I can recall of. Although it's briefly mentioned in my pioneer blog, but it almost what we did there in Kluang. The only things missing was we went for a night walk around Kluang town, malls, catched a movie (Angels & Demons), have coffee in Old Town Cafe, and some sweet time together in his room.

I did not regret knowing him as he is one of the amazing guy I've known. I can fell he do loves me. Just that he won't put relationship as his primary account. His career comes first. Well, it's not a bad thing for a guy, as you also want your man to be successful so that he can take care of you. However, by separating apart, it is difficult to maintain a relationship. That's why we didn't plan to start up that time.

For him, I might be just a encounter for him. He might even forget about me after some time. Although for now, he still contacts me and says he loves me, but this can't be guarantee that will not fade with time. Me myself also scares I'll forget his touch, his face, his temperature around me when he hugs me. But what I can do for now is just hope that he will be back here to be with me together. Wait is all I can do for now as I cant forget him for now.

I did try to forget him as I think it will be difficult to wait for someone that you yourself and him himself does not know he will be back or not after his study. What he knows is he will be back for awhile no matter what. As in if he got a job there also, he will need to be back here to fix his visa before returning there. However, not waiting him also painful. Like that day, Jasson kissed me on my lips. At that very moment I felt like kissing someone that very strange to me. It's not that I didn't kiss Jasson before, but then at that time, all I can think of is Andy. I felt like guilty feeling although Andy and me are not in relationship now.

Loneliness is surrounding me now as Andy is not around me. But I guess I gotta learn to be stronger without him by my side for this moment. I wanted to wait for him to come back for me. As Mum said, if he is your true love, waiting is not that bad after all. Like my Mum, she didn't search for a new man for herself as she loves my dad so much. And if Andy truely loves me, he will be back for me. Well, if that day he really not coming back, or he gets a newbie or somebody special for him there, I'll then give up. All my strength have used up in waiting for him. If he don't come to me, there is no point waiting for him anymore. Life should go on. Hope I have the strength to carry on waiting for him for half year. Hope to see him somewhere around late October or early November. All I know now is I'm really missing him.