Unreasonable Me?

Am I being unreasonable for showing my feeling of unhappiness and unsatisfactory? I thrown out a lot of my feeling to him the afternoon and I don't think he will be happy about it. I might just seems to be an unreasonable person to him and just another unsuitable person for him.

He mentioned that he also has a lot of stress, primarily if his parents found out that he is gay and attached to me. Did he think that it doesn't bother me too? If his parents found out, I'm not just gonna lose a job but also losing him. Did he knows about that? Who is in the worst condition now?

I'm frustrated of trying so hard to know more about him but he will always answer me superficially. I'm the one who always tell him everything that happen in my life. Probably he gets bored about it. I think I'll just silent about it next time. Let him just continue with his political issue and business talk to me and that's what our relationship topic based on most.

I don't know is it me being unreasonable or something is missing somewhere. I just hope that he can spend some time to clarify with me and solve it. But most of the time, the standard answer I will get is that he might not be able to satisfy me, I can go and source for someone that able to satisfy me, or he can't be a perfect boyfriend for me, etc.

I'm not asking him to be perfect. I just want everything we have problem, we can go through it together. Is that too much to ask? If I can so easy find someone else, it simply means that I don't love him anymore.

I know he can let go of me easily. That's what I think, I'm not sure he thinks that way or not. But he never give me a solid answer to this also. If one day his parents really found out (which I think is highly possible as how u want to hide it further when u reaches 30 something or 40 years old), I think he will easily let me go.

I don't know what is the future stands for me and him. Can I predict? I'll plan for the worst if you ask me. So how am I going to be not emotional. I'm not trying to be unreasonable or emotional all the time to him. I'm just too afraid to lose him. Ever he thought that of that or not?

He thinks that we have more problem after being official. It's not more, but more taken out to be discuss. When I'm not his official boyfriend, do I dare to even raise up such issue? Why would he cares about it? Me jealous o him sleeping around when I'm just another date only? I just hide my pain.

His fun sauna time, that had some soft sex with some guys, I'm already accept it. His past, I don't mind because we aren't official. But is wanting to know also cannot? I'm frustrated because I can't get him telling me about it. He only tell me briefly and then mentioned to me that he don't like talking about it.

If he don't like talking about sex issue, how am I going to share with him mine? He always tease me. Do he knows that I'm controlling myself so hard. Being horny for him and yet I get nothing from him. Seduce him but he is either tired or wrong timing. What he wants me to do? Slept with someone else because he doesn't mind? I think I need counselling for my sex life already. Should I be a slut or not? He don't even have the time to talk to me about this.

If you (I mean my boyfriend) read this. I just want you to know I love you but I don't know what to expect from you. I can't be hiding in the toilet crying about it. I just hope to have some time to talk to you and see what we can do to identify problem and satisfy needs.