It Is Easier To Say Than To Do

I'm feeling that I'm being stupid. I thought I can take it easily of those thing that I'll never expect from a boyfriend. However, it's really harder to accept it than to say it. Like the Chinese proverbs, "Needle does not poke to flesh, you won't feel the pain".

I do really feel uncomfortable when he mentioned that he wanted to go to sauna with his friends, Dave and his boyfriend. He did asked me to tag along. However, I don't think that's convenient.

He is having a forum to attend and he will be going there straight after the forum.I can't be waiting at the office till 9pm to meet them up right? The sauna is located at Damansara Uptown. If I went home then only head to the sauna, the distance kill me. Not to mention the time I get home, I'll probably no need to get to work already.

It's just makes me feel totally blank and I don't know what to expect. I know I have no reason to mad at him or even be unhappy about it. It's him from the beginning. I've to accept it. Fantasy kind of love life is not going to happen on me.

I hope my friend, Charles found his true love. Hope that all the romance he is having, all the tender and greatness about this boyfriend of his is everlasting. I don't hope he will experience things that I don't want to experience. I know the pain.

It's been awhile that he didn't follow my blog as he used to. So I think I'm free to blog about anything. By the time he read this, it's history already. Anyway, even this sauna issue consider history too. He already went for it and back home.

To say that I'm happy, of course not or else it simply means my heart is totally dead for him. I'm no longer loving him. To say that I'm super unhappy about it, I don't think I've the privilege to be. It's what we agreed upon before our relationship. If I wanted to make it an issue, it simply means I want this relationship to end.

I wonder do I need to try so hard to satisfy him? Will he be doing the same to me in the way I wanted it to be? Will he try his best to make me feel secure? How can I cope on with this issue again in the future? Dammit, I hope I can answer to all that. I'm f*cking hate myself being emotional over this issue.