I guess he will not notice this blog entry so soon as I've just blog one yesterday and one in this afternoon. Refer to my latest entry at my main blog page, I think love is very difficult thing that I'm having. I choose to love and to have a relationship. However, relationship doesn't choose me.
I know the feeling of loving someone that you know that he will never be that person in your life no matter how hard you have tried. I've waited for him, yet not hoping for anything that will return. It's somehow quite hurting but you just can't help it. Loving someone that will not love you back the same way that you expected is really bad.
It's luck I guess. Probably I don't have the luck of having a relationship. As I said, don't mention that I don't except those who asked me to their boyfriend. If you mean someone decent that is my type somehow, then that's fine. If those uncles, totally out of my expectation, then you know why it doesn't work out.
Lord himself really tested me for a very long time. It's either he hates me or he loves me a lot. Hates me so he doesn't grant my wish to settle with someone that I love or love me so much that doesn't want to grant me someone that will not wanted to settle with me. Perhaps no one wanted to settle with me. I'm not super attractive or like Cheston that keep on having new boyfriends.
I wonder how he can change his boyfriend like changing clothes. I wanted to find one "clothes" that fits me also super duper difficult. So Lord, I hope you can answer my prayers. If I don't deserve someone in my life, why don't you just take me back to be by your side. At least in heaven, I'll find my love on You.
I'm really feeling so bad. I don't what I need to do or what I should do. I wanted to cry out, wanted to borrow someone's shoulder to lean on and cry out load. It's like a huge stone that crushing my chest. I'm feeling lonely. Everyone, or most of my friends already attached, married or been dating for years and start living together. I'm so happy for them yet so envy of them. Why can I have one?
I think this blog page, I can start naming it as "The Unpopular Boyfriend Candidate". I can't imagine me getting older. I'll be so lonely living alone doing silly things. No one will share the life with me. Oh gosh, I can't be writing sad story on my blog and keeps on letting my tears fall like a waterfall. Any solution to my problem?
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