Lately I have really bad feeling for myself. I don't even know is it normal anymore to feel this way. No doubt I love him a lot, but things it just seems getting far away from time to time. Maybe I can't cope up with the changes around him. He changes his mind pretty quickly.
I remember that he said that he is getting rid of those connection to any sort of gay websites or links since he wanted to run politic. Well, to certain extent I think does do what he mean for. However, I have a strong feeling that he still seeing a lot of gay guys too. Will that clash with his motive?
Anyway, I'm not his boyfriend to judge him. Even so, if he going to cheat on me, I can't change a thing about him too. The very first time I know him, I've already know that he can't keep himself to one boyfriend. How could I change the fact or even change him.
Perhaps I'm thinking too much or I'm starting to give up looking for a guy that I can settle with. I'm beginning to put my hope and love completely on him which I shouldn't. That's what he said in the begining as he already told me that he never treats me as a boyfriend before. Maybe temporally or so-called boyfriend which I don't fancy.
There is a guy who wanted me so much and has been waiting for me for past 2 years. Well, I don't know whether that guy is genuine or not, but I don't know what can I do. Waiting for him to eventually fall in love with me and only me? Am I dreaming big? I guess that will never happen unless I'm super gorgeous, which apparently I'm not.
Probably I meant to be single for my life. Why I said so? Cause that's what I think. There ain't someone that is my taste out there looking for me as a potential boyfriend and he is not taking me seriously too. I'm too old to talk about relationship as I used to do anymore. Look, he isn't even sexually attracted to me anymore.
He didn't seems to want me have those with him. I did seduce him a little, or even mentioned to him but that's it. It's either he has it already with someone or I've no idea why. But why should I care? I couldn't do a damn thing. Am I obsessive over him? Probably. I think maybe I should stop myself drowning too deep in this.
Thank you for loving me but I felt that I don't have the love I wanted yet. Perhaps you found someone better, cuter, younger, etc. and I'm no where close to be that person you want. I don't want to be important to your life because you need me to take care of your customers or work. I need someone that really needs me like how much I needed him.
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