I think my life is kind of fragile. Many things I can't cope and digest it in time. I felt hopeless most of the time. Should I say that I'm a failure? I fail to find someone that can spend the rest his life with me and will be happy living with me. I've fail to be strong to stop myself to love a person that I'll never have him to myself.
It's a life that I'll have to cope with yet I have no idea how to cope. I can't imagine my life in another 10 years. I'll be really old to look for a boyfriend that time. No more market value for a bottom like me, not to mention that I have none already now. I'm just feeling helpless.
I think maybe it's just a sudden gush of feeling that I'm no longer young and I'm still single. Looking at most of my friends are getting their partner, getting married, having babies, etc., makes me feel I'm getting older real fast. I'm still a single guy waiting for somebody to love. Waiting that special someone in my life forever.
Not just straight friends, even my gay's friend also found their love. Most of the guys, previously trying to date me or even wanted me to his boyfriend which I rejected due to some issues did finally get someone in their life. I'm happy for them and atthe same time I'm envy them. Why couldn't I have the same treatment? Is Lord really wanted to test my sincerity towards love?
I've been single for coming 3 years, hasn't I waited long enough? If u say I'm not trying hard to look for one, I did. But none showing real interest on me (except those sincerely I have no feeling for). If Lord's grace is to give me really unrealistic guy, I don't know what should I do anymore.
If u say Lord test my sincerity towards one person, I've keep waitin for someone past 2 years already. Despite that I don't put high hope on him, but I did thought of before whether I'll be his someone special one day or not. I did but as a best friend. He will always be just a best friend as he won't be with me and only me.
Shall I give up on love? Since love will not like safe investment, it's not like you invest one dollar you will gain back one dollar. I think for me, my investment for love is always seems to be depreciate or will never recover the amount invested. I think I can only blame myself for my stupidity of believing true love exist for myself.
True love is for those fortunate people. It's more for those who have great things on them. I have none, I'll have only love from my family and God. Just happened that God always tested me. The love I receive from someone else will not exceed what I'm hoping for. I should bear that in mind. As what I can say now is love will hurts if it's not what you expected it to be. A bitter sweet sensation.
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