Old Feeling is Back

It's been really long time I didn't have such feeling back. The feeling of been in love. I mean all this time, right after I break up with Brian, this feeling never really come back. I always ended up in those so-called-relationship, which is merely a date.

Those guys that I went dating with never last more than a month. Kelvin, due to he is bottom. We can't suit each other. Followed by Willy, then Michael, Wayne, Leon and lately, Elvin. Well, Douglas is not in this list because he is somehow special.

He is the only one that I love him but then I don't love him. I don't love him as boyfriend because I choose to. I don't want to hurt myself and I know he doesn't want that too. However, we will still care for each other. So, he will forever remain as my best friend.

As for all the good feeling is this new guy called Dickson. He does make me feel like in heaven just in these few days. I do want to give him a chance. He did a lot of things to know me, to get my attention. I think he deserve a chance too.

The only concern I have right now is my own paranoid. I never meet him before and I already have this strong feeling with him. Maybe it's due to the fact that he is very sweet to me on the phone. But rationally, shouldn't I need to know him much further because deciding?

I found out that he added one of my friend on Facebook. So I did called up that friend to get some information about Dickson but I get very little. At least he also thinks that he is a nice person to talk to.

However, I still want to ask him. He can lie to me, but then it's better to hear from him also. At least I'm not making any stupid paranoid thought that he is a bad person that will hurt me. If he does, then at least it's he lie to me. If I simply put the label that he is a person that going to hurt me, then if he is not, I'm basically an asshole already.