I feel there is way too much stress to deal with everyday in our life. We choose various ways to release that stress either by crying, finding comfort from others, doing something like eating, singing, etc. For example, it's so rare I saw Douglas shed his tears. I really thinks he is in great pressure or feel somehow down for what so ever reason.
Anyway, like I said, stress build up over time. Even for myself, I can't be sure how much stress I'll be getting at work, financially, family, and relationship. At work, it's seems that the indirect pressure putting on Douglas affects us too. Since BH is leaving soon, I believe that the higher management is going to squeeze me again.
Probably, I'll be more stressful once they force me to do more local or corporate sales. I really think if this not the job I want to do. Export sales is fine because it's not that I needed actively to meet them all up to make sure they buy my product and hit those sales target. Anyway, I'm not sure what job really suit me also.
Financially, I don't think I need to mention much. I'm in debt in any way. Of course, my PTPTN loans still pending for payment, I need more money to settle with my life, save for future too. If not, all my dreams is gone. My Japan trip will not be a reality if I still can't settle the loans. Well, car loans still can settle as I pay my installment every month. Just this and that tighten my budget. If I want to date Dickson, my financial status sure rebel me.
Family, mostly on the financial part. I don't think want to discuss family issue much here. Probably post it next time on my other blog or something.
Love issue, I'm stuck in between everyone. I do love Douglas a lot but we can't work the normal way because he will not let go the forest for me. Love and sex really different thing all together for him. I can't accept it that well, so he also thinks that we can't get attached. Maybe this is what those Chinese proverbs says,, "got the opportunity, but no fate".
Another one is Dickson. He is a nice guy but then I don't find him click with me much. However, I know that he likes me a lot. He will definitely try to work out this relationship. The problem is on me. I seriously think that we have something missing somewhere. He doesn't have a car that makes my life difficult. Intelligent issue is another story. I'm confuse myself at this moment.
Maybe because of Dickson, this makes me think that Jimmy is not too bad. But I have no idea what things lead for Jimmy and me. He is a smart guy, studying medicine. Future doctor sounds much more promising but then he is a shopaholic himself. I wonder will he able to take care of me? Financially he is stable but will he spend on dating me? Till now, he still haven't seems to be interested on me yet. Maybe I should just ignore thinking about him.
Noel, Elwin, Wilson, Albert, etc. shouldn't be anything troublesome. I think I told them clearly and I'm clear about myself on them. It's either no feel or not possible to be together. I think love issue is killing me soon. Got also feel terrible, don't have also feel stupid and lonely. Seriously no idea how to cope with all sort of stress.
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