This issue is bothering me and I'm wondering are we at the edge of intolerance or we are incompatible. I felt that most of the time, he makes me feel that I'm troublesome, I'm annoying, I'm not trying to understand him. Whereas I personally feels that he didn't spend quality time with me, lack of caring, insensitive, not understanding my needs, and not trying to make me feel loved.
I know he loves me, he says it all the time. I know he cares for me, but more on my financial and religion. I know that he senses my needs when I sulk about it or directly tell him about it (which most of the time solved after a conflict). However, can he do something to makes me feel he really cares, really loves me, really treasure me?
There is so many things I can talk about but what is the point if there is no solutions to it. I don't know why am I crying while writing this. I guess I'm hurt is some sense. I felt that he become less of me, but more about himself only. Everything rotate about him, no longer about us. We have less things in common that we used to have.
Are we not trying to tolerate each other? Or are we simply not compatible? I believe that mild conflict, tolerance is important. However if there are major different directions of life and needs, then incompatibility comes in place. So where are we standing now already. I try to evade this question for very long time. The reason is because I fear of losing him. Because I know that he will never sit and discuss with me how to solve it.He is the person that either let my question die off, or just postpone my problem. At time, he will rather sacrifice me feeling about the solution that he wanted to came out with. I don't know whether I'm thinking too much or what. But I don't feel happy about it.
Like for example, today's scenario. He just mentioned to me that he wanted to pick me up to church tomorrow at 9.15am but I need to fetch my sister to work before 9.45am. I can't fetch her too early too. Even if I would like to drop my sister to work at 9.30am, by the time I get back home for him to pick me up already 9.45 - 9.50am. He didn't propose a solution but just complaining that we have to go to church and he definitely don't want to be late. Why can he offers to pick me and my sister up earlier and drop her to work while going to church?
Am I being self-centre that want everything revolves around me then? I'm not. I just want him to show he cares, not just leave it to you to deal with it. I'm a person that need love and care. If he wants me to be those tough man, I think he got the wrong person. Then I'll definitely not qualified to be his boyfriend and I would say we are getting no where. If he still wants me, can he be more sensitive about what and how I feel?
I might be talking this to a rectangular flat iPad, might be someone read this even him, but would this change anything or will it lead to ending of everything? I'm finally able to write this because I think I'm tired to try to be the one who tries to understand everything and try to tolerate it as nothing happened, hiding those feelings. Probably our communication break down already. I talk too much, nagging and annoying. I don't talk, I'm not trying hard. I really don't know what I should do already.
Since that he wants me to drive myself, there is no point for me to think about how he want to make it up this weekend issues I'm having and I've hinted him. Well, I think he never get my hint. So, I think there is no lunch and dinner with him. I'll most probably just head home after church and rot the whole weekends at home. I'm tired to be the one that cares about him and wanting to sparkles our relationship. If he wants me, I'll let him decide what he needs to do and want to do. However, I believe he loves his work, friends, and politics more than me.
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