I went to church lately and I hear a lot of inspiring talk from lots of people. About how you put your faith on Him and he will love you and fill up the emptiness in your heart. I'm putting my faith on him, but I still haven't found the other half that I'm longing for to walk this fragile life of mine.
I don't know why, I felt like I have this feeling that I would not be in this world for very long time. I don't hope that the day I'm not here anymore, there isn't someone that will truly care about me or love me whole heartily.
Life is tough. Walking life alone is very lonely. I do feel lonely, I do feel scare. This year birthday, is not going to be a great one. It will be simple, probably boring and even painful. It marks that I'm getting older and still single for almost 3 years.
Birthday is somehow scary and lonely for myself. My mother is thinking to pre-celebrate my birthday after the tomb sweeping day this coming Sunday. It seems odd, but I appreciate that she even thinks of it, because she usually don't.
Probably my old colleagues will celebrate for me, somehow simple one. It happens that they called me and book me on the 16th, a day after my birthday to hangout. I guess they want to celebrate for me, if I'm not mistaken. Or else, it just another gathering only. (thick face of mine)
How about the actual day? It's Friday and I need to work. Do I plan to take leave? What is the point when you have no one to celebrate with you and nobody is asking you out on that day itself till now. It's just another 11 days left.
I guess I teared because I feel really lonely. Till now, I still can't find someone that I can lay my love on and get the sweet moment with the special one. Probably there will be no one except God. If that's the case, I do hope Lord take me with him as life on Earth is getting tougher than I can cope with already.
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