It's almost 8pm. I have been at home alone for almost 3 hours plus. As Doug just advise me today to eat more as my muscle does not recover quick enough, I am now doing something that totally not being a good boy. I plan to skip my dinner tonight.
Why? The reason is simple and as usual, I do want to eat alone. Some times I do feel myself ridiculous having such a habit. I cannot stand the feeling of eating alone as it makes me feel more lonely. It just because I am feeling lonely now, I'm not eating.
Not to mention that I am kind of broke after using my salary to pay off most of my liabilities, I do have to save some for my food and transportation to work for the entire month of March. To make matter worst, my mother need me to sponsor some cash for the red packet that we need to give when we attend my cousin's wedding dinner this coming March.
I do feel pretty stress up again with my financial crisis now. I do not know who to talk to about it. Telling my mother about it, she cannot even help me about it. Her herself also need to worried herself for it. If her could make herself not to attend the wedding, that will be great.
However, my mother is like this. She always want to follow the so called right thing to do, and never really consider our ability on doing it. At times she realize it, but she is still doing it as she thinks that is the right thing to do. I do not blame her. If she is not there for me, I might be long dead.
Anyway, this stress might be the reason I feeling down and emotional lately. For example, today, I do want to hug him so so much, wanted to spend more time together and even cuddle for make me feel secure under his embrace. Of course I do not have the chance as most of the time. I dare not to tell him much about it because I really do not know what to say.
He is pretty tired lately as I always sees him. I do believe that his work is the main cause of his tiredness. I cannot help him anything, which makes me do not want to burden him too much with my story. Able to see him spending some quality of his time for me while he is try hard for it is a bless I can ask for.
Maybe like what he said, I always try hard to think about him, or even being selfish for him only. I am not thinking much for myself. I do not know whether I am or not. I am in dilemma too. I do not know what I do now is good or wrong, I do not know he will angry or not, I just hope I do not burden him too much.
Since I eat pretty well in the early of the day, it should not be too bad if I skip my dinner tonight. I just try my best to keep myself occupied with Dan Brown's book and probably some TV session before I go to bed early today. God bless everyone.
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