Changes

I heard before people say changes is good and I know it's good. However, there are time where it doesn't turns out to be good or as good as we think of.

There are a lot of changes going through my life, either in relationship, or work life. Family life is pretty stable and stagnant. Not much changes.

In relationship, my boyfriend is more likely to listen to me. However, it's more like argument at this where he really wants me to spill out the beans. The problem is I don't like argument. There is always problem in expressing myself to him as he hardly find me understandable.

The biggest change I'm facing now is that I don't know whether he likes someone else without him realising it or it's me who is being paranoid about. I don't know and I think I can understand this whole situation. I'm at the breaking point.

I've try to talk to him about it but it's just going nowhere. He always thinks that I'm comparing or simply being jealous. His temper is no longer good to me whenever such issue rises. I'm feed up dealing with such issues too. Probably, I'm hopeless when comes to relationship or dealing with people.

At work, he is treating the new staff well. So well that I think is so not himself anymore. All the staff use to be doing the job themselves or even need to find out themselves, which including myself. However, this new staff is having so much privilege.

Simple task like sending goods to kne of our customer, which he always instruct us to Google it up, but now ask me to accompany that new staff. I'm really upset with his changes but if this is what he wants, I can't do anything about it.

I begin to question myself am I professional enough to take all this crappy issue at work with him like this all the time. I've no issue with him till lately he begins to treat new staff so differently. Maybe I'm not that worthy to him anymore. If so, I should be leaving the company for both benefits.

I believe he won't stop me for even thinking about it. He mentioned before, he won't stop me if I wanted to leave. I think maybe Pastor Mike Connell get the wrong message from God. I'm promoted but haven't have any pay rise nor better work prospect. I'm begin to feel I'm drowning.

Lord, please guide me. Am I your least favourite son? I'm scared to face the challenges in front of me already. Mind as well you take me back with you rather than facing all this heart aching experience.