I was thinking that he just wanted to talk to me as in wanted to see me since we haven't seen each other for few days. I was too caring away with my own conversation about my stress from work and almost neglected him. However, I should thank him for listening to all my troubles.
Then I felt something is not so right with him as he said that he have something to talk to me. So I asked him what is the matter that running on his head. At first, he was reluctant to share as he said that I'm not having a good day so he doesn't want to spoilt it worst.
I was thinking how worst can my day be. So I insisted him to spill it out as I think how bad also, I still have him to hug for awhile. Then he popped out that question that what do we think about the relationship. I already know this day will come somehow.
Indeed I don't felt much like in relationship being together with him for a month, but at times he does do some little things that makes me happy. I had been single for hell long time, I also hope that I can find someone for myself. But if he can throw out this question to me, I think we ain't working out that good.
Since that he also think that some problem persist already, I decided to keep him as a friend better than I lose this nice person completely. I treasure all my friends. I treasure them all. Maybe I'm too much on relying on someone that makes me doesn't grow much.
I think I shall really be back myself and start to be focusing on what I had promise myself. To be with Douglas is really nice and happy moment I gain for all this while. But I can't forget that we had a promise that I shall look for someone that will want me to be his bf.
Thinking back on Leon, I was not being loyal to him when I was dating him, even thought it's just for a short period and I'm just dating him (kinda like a probation period). However, it's not myself to date someone and yet having fun with someone else at the same time. I'm being such a bad bad boy that period of time going to gay sauna and done something that I never did before, threesome and 4P.
I think it's time for me to stop all this. I felt like I'm no longer like I am use to be, innocent somehow and angel like. I mean at least not devil like. But how I look at myself, I felt like I'm doing so many bad stuff lately already. I think I need to repent for my mistakes. I don't hope my punishment is to be alone for this life. I do pray to find someone that can be with me together and walk through our life together.
Time for me to be naughty and bad had come to me and I think it should be gone. I think I shall not go to gay sauna for sex once I found someone special in my life. I think I shall not be too attach to Douglas when I have another chance to date someone good. I mean I need to let Douglas know that I'm dating that guy, I will need some time for myself.
I don't know why this kinda feeling suddenly pop up in my mind. I felt better throwing it out. Hope everything goes on smooth. Well, I wonder when only that good person will finally come to me. I pray for the angel to come to me and sent me that someone special. Amen.
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