Although this phrase Wayne used it to me quite often, but I think I can finally really use this words to describe myself and my feeling right now. Everything that I've done so far is a big mistake. If I hide my feeling well enough in the first place, not getting drunk and unable to control myself and kissed him, everything might different right now.
I might not be tangling with Doug for so long because everything will not be started. If I can let go in the first place after realizing what we did were wrong, I might not cause such a havoc now. I started to hate myself. I don't know how to face Doug and Keith at the same time. I'm thinking that how am I suppose to face them from now onwards.
I can't imagine what am I suppose to do now. I'll be joining his company this coming Thursday. Thinking of such event makes me feel like I'm a totally idiot and I'm like a bitch. It's absolutely a very bad timing for all this to happen. I'm totally lost right now. I bet Keith must be hating me to the maximum right now.
I don't even know how am I suppose to do. I think I'll not be able to join the Saturday group anymore. Most of them are Doud's and his boyfriend's friends. I'll be totally kick out or even been talk bad about from now on. I guess I'll be a guy that blacklisted from everything.
I felt I'm the worst guy ever in the planet living and walking on the surface of the Earth. How can I make such a worst scenario for him and me to be in. I'm such a bastard. I'm totally a bitch. A freaking, bloody idiotic bitch that selfish enough to hurt so many people including myself right now.
Should I try to avoid him a little bit from now onwards? Maybe less meeting him up will be better? Maybe he can make it up back with him and I won't feel that guilty at least? How about try to stop myself thinking much about him? Should I do all that or just remain as normal? I'm so blur right now and hating myself. I'm sucks.
No wonder no guys really likes me. The reason why till now I still have no boyfriend and can't get one because I'm suck. I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm selfish and demanding, I'm a total failure. Maybe that is the punishment I have since that I'm a bitch. Lets wet some pillows and get over it. Just pray that he will be fine. I think I can't ask much more from now.
No comments:
Post a Comment