Today, is kinda lonely day for me. It's Saturday, and it suppose to be a day where usually I will be meeting someone important to me and work out together and have lunch together. However, both of us is not feeling so well so we did not manage to meet up.
I'm missing him so much but there is nothing much I can do to ease the feeling of it. I woke up this morning, thinking of him. There has been a break down of electricity around my area since early in the morning around 3.00am till half past eight. Basically I can do nothing to entertain myself to divert my thought on him.
After taken my breakfast, I did text him, asking for his health condition. I have been worrying him so much. I'm glad to hear that his fever subsided but there is still some sore throat. I guess we both have the same condition except for the fever.
Later in the noon, it rains heavily with loud thundering at my area. I was so scared and lost. I have no idea why, I guess it just because I'm chicken-hearted. I did wanted to call him but then I worried that I will disturb him so I choose to text him again. He was having his late lunch with his dad.
Maybe lately, I need someone to be there for me. I do not know how to explain the feeling but then I just hope there is some special person there with me, to be there accompany me. Maybe just a temporary needs only, which makes me feel pretty lonely.
So I have been thinking stupid things. I wonder will he not missing me. Will he forgotten me? Am I no longer attracting to him anymore? I also have no idea. But then that is the stupid thing I am thinking about.
Anyway, all these things I do not really want to care. Because I know, he still have Keith there with him. One day, eventually, he still needs to let me and I need to go my own way. However, for me, meantime, as long as he can spent some time for me, that is enough.
I guess my life really change a lot. To live as a human is not an easy task for me myself already. Living a life as a gay person is even harder at times where you cannot be sure whether you can find someone that you can share your life forever with him or not. I know even straight couple find it hard too.
Well, I have been coughing kinda badly. I do hope that he can call me and ask me how is my condition. At least it will melts my heart a little bit. However, he have not purposely call me for any reason this weekends. Perhaps he is tired, weak or there are some other things bothering him.
I'm staying at home alone the whole day. No one at home with me. Really lonely. I have no mood to go anywhere. I have no idea why after locked myself at home for the whole day, I felt so tired, tired to even more an inch. It is like I am so weak that my body is so heavy. Maybe I am affected by my emotion and feelings.
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